Blog, Simple Things

A Gift of Time

I’ll honestly admit that things have not gone as planned with my blog. Even though I posted a few times this year, my heart has not been into writing. It has nothing to do with my readers – I appreciate every one of you!

As you may know, my mom passed away a few months ago. I was her caregiver and I was so blessed to be with her. But when she was gone, I couldn’t function with daily living activities. My sleep pattern…..who am I kidding there was no pattern….was horrible. Sometimes I couldn’t fall asleep, sometimes I would wake around 3AM and not be able to go back to sleep, taking long naps during the day, etc. Basically, I was having such a difficult time with sleep that I was spending my days on the couch with TV or my iPad.

I was desperate to find a way to get motivated and read countless articles on grief, depression, benefits of having a daily routine etc. I tried different routines (or parts) and couldn’t get past taking care of my cats in the mornings. So after about a month of failed attempts, I followed up with my doctor because my fear was I was headed into depression or already there. I just knew I couldn’t continue living this way.

My doctor connected me with a grief counselor. Meeting with her weekly has helped me understand that I was going through the grieving process. None of our early conversations were about housekeeping or chores. Frankly, sometimes my appointment day was the rare day that I actually put myself together (I know…gross, but that was my life at the time). My “homework” was all about taking care of myself – even something simple as going out for an ice cream cone, ordering take-out for dinner so I didn’t have to cook, getting a manicure, or walking through our local greenhouses. Even today, our appointments remind me how to conduct self-care and take time for myself without feeling guilty. Self-care has also been a way to get me out of the house, which in turn, improved how often I put myself together.

Occasionally I still struggle, but those days are much more infrequent compared to my good days now. I’m beginning to feel excited about the future and I’m actually making plans for what I want to accomplish.

So why am I sharing this with you?

First, if any of my readers are struggling with the loss of a loved one please seek out a grief counselor. Yes, I was afraid of someone seeing me and the “Oh my gosh, you see a counselor” stigma….then I decided that it is a private matter between my counselor and me ONLY.

Second, I’m feeling motivated to blog again. I’m not at a point to blog daily, but I’m hopeful to post once or twice a week to start. Admittedly, I’ve been fortunate to have this gift of time to be able to work through my grief.

I look forward to what the future brings and I hope you follow along!

Tammy

 

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